baileythorne (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} baileythorne) wrote,@ 2008-02-24 13:41:00 |
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Monthly Update
How to leave work on time: focus on doing the work
I have never been able to leave work on time - unless I have a hard commitment and I absolutely have to leave by a certain time. I procrastinate, get side tracked with the internet, and do the easy stuff. Then, late afternoon I look at what I should have gotten done during the day and get started. And stay late to get it done. I've been trying to figure out what I need to do to change this behavior. I'm sure some of you find this problem inconceivable, but it's a real issue for me. So, I think I'm onto something that will help: if I quit doing personal stuff at work, I can leave on time guilt free. Now this may be damned obvious to most of you... but it's an epiphany for me. If I know I've done my best during the day, even if everything I'd like to get done isn't complete, I give myself permission to leave. Still working on maintaining that focus... this week I spent an hour on day looking at flights to Jacksonville - for a trip that I may never take. One step forward, two steps back...
Money Issues: Lessons Learned
I have been tracking expenses and realized that, although I've been able to put a bit of money away in the last year for an emergency fund, it's nowhere near as much as I'd hoped. And since I'm working for yet another startup and I'm paying two mortgages if I lose a tenant, this is very important to me. I mentioned I was considering a second job or some other way to bring in a bit more. There was an option I'd ignored because I was afraid: asking for a raise.
I've mostly worked for big companies where there are clear rules about raises, but I know things are looser in a start up. And the fear was irrational... but it was real. The big question was "How much do I ask for?". It turns out I honestly don't know what I'm worth. I had a fantasy number in mind that I wanted. It wasn't based on much more than "that's what it would take to make me stop feeling stressed about money". Not the way to approach a boss for a raise. But I wasn't really sure I was going to be able to ask for that much. When the inevitable question of "Why are you worth that much?" was asked, I wasn't sure I could justify the number.
I asked for the raise. I got a raise and a promotion.
Here's how it went down: Me, after a discussion of technical issues, "There is one more non-technical thing I need to discuss with you." Boss: "What?" Me:"I need to talk to you about a raise". Boss: "Thank goodness - I was afraid you were going to resign". I smiled and thought, this might not be so bad. She told me this had been on her list of things to do and she was embarrassed I'd had to come to her. I was amazed to be hearing this - but I kept my poker face in place.
I told her that when they hired me it wasn't exactly clear what I'd be doing and where I'd fit, so I low-balled the salary I asked for. After 15 months it's clear I bring a lot to the table. She asked where I wanted to go with the company and we discussed a career path. Then she offered me a promotion and a salary to go with it - my fantasy number. She followed that with "there will be a potential for bonuses and salary growth on top of that". Poker face still in place, I said that would be acceptable. I thought I might blow it if I did the happy dance & high five'd her - which I was doing inside.
Raise doesn't kick in until April. It's more money than I ever made at a full time job in California. I never imaged this could happen in NC. Really. It validated my decision to move back east. With a generous salary and 4 weeks vacation, I won't be looking for another job again any time soon. Unless, of course, they fail... which is always a possibility.
And I'm glad she didn't come to me. I needed to know I could do this: Ask for what I want.
Tango Friend (TF)
Tango is still a huge part of my life. And my teacher has become a comfortable friend. We carpool to contra dances Friday nights. I take his two tango classes back-to-back on Thursday nights (Foundations & Intermediate). I take a private lesson most Sundays. I put in two hours of labor on Saturdays to pay (in trade) for the Sunday lesson. We've been trying to get his house straight most weekends. I do laundry & clean up the kitchen other weekends. I like helping him out. Feeds my "service submissive" streak. I've also been working on a website for him... and setup my first blog (for him). He's been writing posts to the local tango list so I created a blog to preserve his thoughts. He gave me a big hug after class last Thursday when I asked him if he'd checked out the changes to his website. That was payment enough. Last development: we've been going out for coffee on Sunday mornings and playing cribbage. He's good. And, as with tango, he's a good teacher. I find I really enjoy these outings.
Relationship Skills
I was a bit apprehensive about telling TF that he has to pick up after his dog if he poops in front of my townhouse. I am *so* conflict aversive... But he took it well. Perhaps this friendship is training for how a marriage / relationship should work? It has also reinforced: "You must ask for what you want". I seem to be very giving in relationships - until I hit a wall and ask myself "how did I get here?". In the past my solution was to leave. Not a good long term approach, eh?
Dating
Still not up for dating. But I've got men asking me out. Two that I've never been out with asked me out this weekend. Met them both through tango. I turned down both as I'd planned to go to the beach and play hermit. I have told both: I'm not interested in dating. If you want to be friends, great. But know that up front.
One told me he was "retired from dating". I like that phrase... I'll adopt it. If/when I really feel compelled to change that approach, I will. But for now I like having my freedom and having no drama in my life.
I will go out with them if then ask again - I encouraged both to do that. But as friends. Period.
Cena To Go
Every once in awhile I find something new and different that I really like. One of those things is a company my step-sister turned me onto: Cena To Go. It's a place for people like me who want to eat at home but aren't very good at shopping or cooking. They do the shopping and have a mini-kitchen set up with all the ingredients and how-to instructions so that you leave with meals ready to go in the freezer. You cook them later, as needed with the instructions attached to the meals. Even I can bake or grill meat on my George Forman Grill (yes, I use mine all the time). Cena requires a $75 minimum order. That's 3 "meals". For 4-6 people. I did the math. For me that comes out to $7-$8 for dinner. A price I'm willing to pay for a good meal on the weekend. I've tried them twice and was happy enough that I convinced Spinoza to tag along the 2nd time. If there's one near you, I'd give it a try. For single folks like me, they will split meals into 2 portions. Works well for me because I like leftovers.
Books
Friend of mine recently published his first book: One Jump Ahead (Jon & Lobo) by Mark L. Van Name. If you like action packed science fiction with some interesting twists, I highly recommend it. Next book in this series is due out this summer. I'm looking forward to it!
Keeping it Simple
I find that I don't have the energy for anything complex these days. I entertain myself by reading books, watching an episode of a TV series I've downloaded (ok, that just seems simple to me now), talking with friends, taking a walk, or going to a dance. I'm sleeping more. I've gotten rid of 1/3 of my clothes and I don't miss them. I'm working on cleaning out more.
I'm preparing for something. Not sure what yet. But I've always found that when I start to worry that my life is too dull, something happens soon after to liven things up. I wonder what it will be this time?
How to leave work on time: focus on doing the work
I have never been able to leave work on time - unless I have a hard commitment and I absolutely have to leave by a certain time. I procrastinate, get side tracked with the internet, and do the easy stuff. Then, late afternoon I look at what I should have gotten done during the day and get started. And stay late to get it done. I've been trying to figure out what I need to do to change this behavior. I'm sure some of you find this problem inconceivable, but it's a real issue for me. So, I think I'm onto something that will help: if I quit doing personal stuff at work, I can leave on time guilt free. Now this may be damned obvious to most of you... but it's an epiphany for me. If I know I've done my best during the day, even if everything I'd like to get done isn't complete, I give myself permission to leave. Still working on maintaining that focus... this week I spent an hour on day looking at flights to Jacksonville - for a trip that I may never take. One step forward, two steps back...
Money Issues: Lessons Learned
I have been tracking expenses and realized that, although I've been able to put a bit of money away in the last year for an emergency fund, it's nowhere near as much as I'd hoped. And since I'm working for yet another startup and I'm paying two mortgages if I lose a tenant, this is very important to me. I mentioned I was considering a second job or some other way to bring in a bit more. There was an option I'd ignored because I was afraid: asking for a raise.
I've mostly worked for big companies where there are clear rules about raises, but I know things are looser in a start up. And the fear was irrational... but it was real. The big question was "How much do I ask for?". It turns out I honestly don't know what I'm worth. I had a fantasy number in mind that I wanted. It wasn't based on much more than "that's what it would take to make me stop feeling stressed about money". Not the way to approach a boss for a raise. But I wasn't really sure I was going to be able to ask for that much. When the inevitable question of "Why are you worth that much?" was asked, I wasn't sure I could justify the number.
I asked for the raise. I got a raise and a promotion.
Here's how it went down: Me, after a discussion of technical issues, "There is one more non-technical thing I need to discuss with you." Boss: "What?" Me:"I need to talk to you about a raise". Boss: "Thank goodness - I was afraid you were going to resign". I smiled and thought, this might not be so bad. She told me this had been on her list of things to do and she was embarrassed I'd had to come to her. I was amazed to be hearing this - but I kept my poker face in place.
I told her that when they hired me it wasn't exactly clear what I'd be doing and where I'd fit, so I low-balled the salary I asked for. After 15 months it's clear I bring a lot to the table. She asked where I wanted to go with the company and we discussed a career path. Then she offered me a promotion and a salary to go with it - my fantasy number. She followed that with "there will be a potential for bonuses and salary growth on top of that". Poker face still in place, I said that would be acceptable. I thought I might blow it if I did the happy dance & high five'd her - which I was doing inside.
Raise doesn't kick in until April. It's more money than I ever made at a full time job in California. I never imaged this could happen in NC. Really. It validated my decision to move back east. With a generous salary and 4 weeks vacation, I won't be looking for another job again any time soon. Unless, of course, they fail... which is always a possibility.
And I'm glad she didn't come to me. I needed to know I could do this: Ask for what I want.
Tango Friend (TF)
Tango is still a huge part of my life. And my teacher has become a comfortable friend. We carpool to contra dances Friday nights. I take his two tango classes back-to-back on Thursday nights (Foundations & Intermediate). I take a private lesson most Sundays. I put in two hours of labor on Saturdays to pay (in trade) for the Sunday lesson. We've been trying to get his house straight most weekends. I do laundry & clean up the kitchen other weekends. I like helping him out. Feeds my "service submissive" streak. I've also been working on a website for him... and setup my first blog (for him). He's been writing posts to the local tango list so I created a blog to preserve his thoughts. He gave me a big hug after class last Thursday when I asked him if he'd checked out the changes to his website. That was payment enough. Last development: we've been going out for coffee on Sunday mornings and playing cribbage. He's good. And, as with tango, he's a good teacher. I find I really enjoy these outings.
Relationship Skills
I was a bit apprehensive about telling TF that he has to pick up after his dog if he poops in front of my townhouse. I am *so* conflict aversive... But he took it well. Perhaps this friendship is training for how a marriage / relationship should work? It has also reinforced: "You must ask for what you want". I seem to be very giving in relationships - until I hit a wall and ask myself "how did I get here?". In the past my solution was to leave. Not a good long term approach, eh?
Dating
Still not up for dating. But I've got men asking me out. Two that I've never been out with asked me out this weekend. Met them both through tango. I turned down both as I'd planned to go to the beach and play hermit. I have told both: I'm not interested in dating. If you want to be friends, great. But know that up front.
One told me he was "retired from dating". I like that phrase... I'll adopt it. If/when I really feel compelled to change that approach, I will. But for now I like having my freedom and having no drama in my life.
I will go out with them if then ask again - I encouraged both to do that. But as friends. Period.
Cena To Go
Every once in awhile I find something new and different that I really like. One of those things is a company my step-sister turned me onto: Cena To Go. It's a place for people like me who want to eat at home but aren't very good at shopping or cooking. They do the shopping and have a mini-kitchen set up with all the ingredients and how-to instructions so that you leave with meals ready to go in the freezer. You cook them later, as needed with the instructions attached to the meals. Even I can bake or grill meat on my George Forman Grill (yes, I use mine all the time). Cena requires a $75 minimum order. That's 3 "meals". For 4-6 people. I did the math. For me that comes out to $7-$8 for dinner. A price I'm willing to pay for a good meal on the weekend. I've tried them twice and was happy enough that I convinced Spinoza to tag along the 2nd time. If there's one near you, I'd give it a try. For single folks like me, they will split meals into 2 portions. Works well for me because I like leftovers.
Books
Friend of mine recently published his first book: One Jump Ahead (Jon & Lobo) by Mark L. Van Name. If you like action packed science fiction with some interesting twists, I highly recommend it. Next book in this series is due out this summer. I'm looking forward to it!
Keeping it Simple
I find that I don't have the energy for anything complex these days. I entertain myself by reading books, watching an episode of a TV series I've downloaded (ok, that just seems simple to me now), talking with friends, taking a walk, or going to a dance. I'm sleeping more. I've gotten rid of 1/3 of my clothes and I don't miss them. I'm working on cleaning out more.
I'm preparing for something. Not sure what yet. But I've always found that when I start to worry that my life is too dull, something happens soon after to liven things up. I wonder what it will be this time?
